Meat...The Beatles!

A Brief Rumination On Foods Of The Future

With the advent and increasing distribution of lab-grown meat, some believe that many of the ethical, moral, and environmental dietary justifications held by vegetarians and vegans have melted away. This new food (there are lawsuits claiming that it is not actually meat) is "cultured", not crudely raised on chemical feed or worse and then only to face slaughter. Vat meat doesn't have a face, no sad eyes to burn guilt into the soul of a sensitive human straddling the fence about eating other sentient beings.

With advances in DNA recovery and application, it's only a matter of time before humans can tuck into tyrannosaurus steaks, archaeopteryx wings, megalodon sashimi, passenger pigeon pie or even Jurassic pork, all free from any conscience-bruising harsh realities.

But if 'clean meat' removes the stigma of meat-eating because it doesn't come from actual animals, could it also remove the taboo of cannibalism? Hannibal Lecter, a visionary liberator of the new cuisine? If it's not dead human, then an argument could be made that it's not cannibalism.

Drum roll, please for the latest hot menu item: SuperstarBurgers™! ...grown from your chosen idol!

What devoted fan wouldn't love to chow down into a dish of their favorite singer, writer, or movie star? Naked Lunch with William Burroughs? McDonna! Uncle Meat for your next Zappanalia? Swiftiechips? Meatlemania!

Politicians will also be fair game, so to speak. No doubt, there are millions of MAQATs who would much prefer an actual taste of their Lord Donald over that of an overpriced and inedibly tough Tr_mp Steak. And speaking of cults, perhaps the Catholic church could tease some DNA from the Shroud of Turin and offer Holy Communion not just in the metaphysical realm of Transubstantiation but with a satisfyingly physical bite of Host. Say goodbye to dry dusty crackers and enjoy the juicy and tasty Body of Christ.

Elvis lives!